Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize