walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
