Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
