ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
