3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were trust falling into bushes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
