I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
