I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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