The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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