tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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