Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
