Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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