I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
