I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize