She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
