did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
