I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
