I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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