I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
