you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
