Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
