I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
