Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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