I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
