Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
