operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
