dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
