2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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