I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize