Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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