The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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