his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize