he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
