bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
