I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
