I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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