Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
