I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
