Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
