They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
