I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
