I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
