Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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