im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
