She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
