you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
