There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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