we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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