Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
