***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
