and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
