know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
