Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
