Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
