she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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