Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just cut my nipple shaving
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize