I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
