When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
