I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
