I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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