david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
