Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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