If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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