Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
