I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize