Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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