Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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