scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
